A Game You Never Agreed to Play
How Society's Formula for Success Becomes a Trap
During childhood, countless voices repeatedly impressed upon us what we must do in order to have a successful life. We were taught the “right” way to live, as opposed to the way those “other people” did things—you know, the drug addicts, prostitutes and criminals. If you were a middle-class American man in the 1950s through the 1990s, you were taught to get a college degree, a good job, a wife, a mortgage, a child and then retirement, in that order. It was the formula for success. Life was preconfigured for those of us who were willing to buy into the plan.
During my college years, I thought that those who adhered to this prescription led dull and unfulfilling lives. Just looking at the older generations, it was plainly obvious their lives were not for me. I thought these adults on the “correct path” were falling far short of their potential and, more than that, they never had any fun. I could never take their advice, and I wouldn’t take it. Like automatons, most of the students at my college bought into it without asking why. I would sit in smug judgement, mostly isolated from the rest of them. I could never understand why anyone would want such a tedious and unsatisfying life.
My observations correlated with what American social philosopher Eric Hoffer observed:
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.[1]
It is understandable, isn’t it? We are all looking at each other hoping the other person knows what is going on, because we certainly don’t. I didn‘t have a clue, but at least I knew that the majority were even more clueless than I was.
As I saw it, you have to know what is most important first, then you can devise a plan to get there. My problem was that I did not know what was most important. What eighteen-year-old does? For that matter, does anyone?
If you reject the rules of the game that are handed to you, you have to fill the void. You have to figure it out on your own. If you continue on your own path without guidance for a decade or more, you will likely remain clueless, dismissive and resentful, and you will probably be relatively poor and unfulfilled. Meanwhile the majority who listened to their parents will be making good money, living in big houses, driving new cars and having children. Superficially, it will appear that they are winning the game, and you are losing it badly.
But, over time, for many, these bright and shiny indicators of success will reveal themselves as chains that the outwardly successful have willingly bound themselves with, and from which they cannot escape. Many suffer spells of spiritual emptiness and, finding little room to maneuver, cannot reorient their lives to remedy their predicament. They find themselves shackled with mortgages, debts, jobs, spouses and children that they cannot leave. On top of that, their bodies are starting to fail. It is becoming too late to try a new direction.
What good is this type of winning if you neglect your soul and find yourself unfulfilled and unable to do anything about it?
Those of us who questioned society’s prescribed path found ourselves grappling with uncertainty about our life’s purpose and the direction we should take. We could have listened to older people. But most of them were clueless too. Fools who live to be old are not wise. They are just older fools.
This is not an easy game, and life is a game whether we recognize it or not. Many choose to believe life is not a game and insist that they will not play the game, but that is just another way to play. And it is a sure path to losing.
We were placed into this world with a limited time to accomplish something. But how can we live a successful life when we don’t know what success is? Should we try to be like Napoleon, Howard Hughes, Steve Jobs or Mother Theresa? Were they fulfilled? And is the point to be fulfilled?
[1] Eric Hoffer in Paul O’Brien, Great Decisions, Perfect Timing (Divination Foundation, 2015), 38.